Wow. So the singing was much better. It was just so boooooooring. It couldn't be over fast enough, but I swear the show was ten hours long.
Kristy Lee Cook -- "Rescue Me" Aw man, she sold her horse? That's cold. At least she got a hook to get on camera, but that poor horse. I hope it was worth it, because she completely blew her shot. She was so boring and lethargic, I swear the band fell asleep. Yeah, she was sick, but trust me, you pull it together when it's really important. That was . . . bad. The only thing that was not boring about her was her annoying nose crinkle. Ugh, I bet she thinks that's cute.
Joanne Borgella -- "I Say a Little Prayer" Dropping out on the low notes, shaking on the high notes, disappearing into the background. What a disappointment. She sounded like a terrified Nell Carter impersonator. I expected more when I saw Toccara was going to be on the show.
Alaina Whitaker -- "More Today than Yesterday" Hey, look at those big ol' chicklet teeth. Man, if I had teeth that big I'd tell the dentist "dude, not the whitest white shade, 'kay?" Alaina's wearing the strangest top, I think she stole it from the Golden Girls. Kind of a weird choice for an (almost) 17-year-old. At least her boobs weren't falling out everywhere. This IS Idol, you know. Alaina sings fine, but her performance is somewhat uninspiring and a bit dull. She's young guys, really young.
Amanda Overmeyer -- "Baby Please Don't Go" Hey, more skunk stripes. Now we have visual lessons for the guys and the girls out there: do not do this or you will look like that. You'll thank me. Amanda reminds me of that chick who should have won that awful show I hate to admit I watched (Rock Star Supernova). She definitely has a distinctive style and it's definitely all her, I just don't know if she can get by with growling and mumbling. This is a dumb singing popularity contest, not like, an attempt to actually have a hit record. Did anyone else get a strong Roseanne Barr vibe when she sang?
Amy Davis -- "Where the Boys Are" Ooooh, awful. Did Alyssa Milano ever try to sing? I bet it would look and sound just like this. Simon was right, this felt like it went on forever. I left the room and wandered around the house, and she was still up there "singing" with her disturbing facial twitch. Oh man, super bad.
Brooke White -- "Happy Together" Man oh man, this chick's weird. Weird. She talks about staying away from the dark side, but I think I'd prefer the dark side to wherever she's hanging out. She totally reminds me of someone I knew from high school. She was a preacher's daughter and always went on about how "good" and "Godly" she was, but she was a mean-ass crazy bitch. Oh, Brooke's singing was fine but unremarkable. Just weird. *shiver*
Paula says the "competition" is about "originality." I love it when shows have jokes to wake me up!
Alexandrea Lushington -- "Spinning the Wheel" Meh, I didn't love it. It was mushy and the song depends on rich vocals contrasting with syncopated pauses. She just sang the whole thing through a mouth of gummi bears. Her performance itself was great, and I think that distracted Randy and Paula, but the singing just wasn't right. I think she has a fantastic voice, but the song was ruined.
Kady Mulloy -- "Groovy Kind of Love" I was so weirded out by the Britney impression. That was so bizarre. But yeah, she sang better as Britney than she did as "herself." She does that nasal country thing I hate so much. It's a deal killer for me, sorry. Why was she wearing a maternity dress?
Asia'h Epperson -- "Piece of my Heart" I actually liked this one. The singing was good and I didn't fall asleep. She didn't try to ape Janis, but sang it in her own voice. It was a bit overly cheery for the subject matter, but I give her an A+ for not boring the shit out of me. I really hope they drop the dad stuff soon because it's really sad, and if it becomes her shtick, I'm going to have to make fun of her for that. I really don't want to be that bitch.
Ramiele Mulabay -- "You Don't Have to Say You Love Me" Pleasant, but again, BORING. Her voice is nice, if a little breath-y in places. That doesn't change the fact that the whole thing was a snore. SNORE. Do people really listen to and enjoy performances like this? Is this what you guys have on in your cars? How do you stay awake to drive? Wait, who am I to judge? My car has the Backyardingans on a continual loop. "Like dirty socks on monster feet" Now that's a good line. Idol should do a Backyardigans theme night.
Syesha Mercado -- "Tobacco Road" Broken record here: great singer, boring-ass performance. I kept hoping she'd shut up so I could listen to the band. They seemed to be having at least a little bit of fun.
Carly Smithson -- "Shadows of your Smile" So this is the putative winner? Wow, okay. I find it a little, um, weird that she had a whole album released and everything. Doesn't it seem like she already had her chance to make it big? But, whatever, she was still a snore. She should at least have let the tats free so I could look at them. I wonder where her shop is.
So that's that. Better singing than the boys, but far worse performances. What a waste of two hours of television. I hope next week's theme is "You girls don't get anymore ballads so get moving."
Best: Asia'h Epperson
Worst: Amy Davis
Going home: Amy Davis and Kady Mulloy
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